I Kiss the Stars

My story seems to start so long ago, yet at times its like it happened yesterday.  I had just broken up with someone and was happy to be free…  I walked out of my bedroom and there in my kitchen sat this, well goofy “kid”.  I say kid because he was 19, and you could see that written all over his face like a glowing neon tattoo….“FRESHMAN” But there was something about him and although I was not looking for another relationship I saw something beyond the “frat boy” that sat there with half a bottle of cologne permeating air and causing half of China to choke. He also had more “bling bling” than any single white boy should ever wear. He was immediately and affectionately nicknamed “Guido” and “Sped” and for a long time had no idea why, but thought it was funny when he found out and that told me he had a great sense of humor about himself.

I did not see him, and I say him because at this point I had no idea what his name was; for a few weeks.  Then out of the blue there he was at a local bar that I went to all the time with my friends, how did I miss him?  I had thought about him all the time but never said anything.  He was only 19 and I was 21, what could be have in common?  As it turns out, everything!  Chris and I became the best of friends, we did everything together, but never once crossed that line of friendship.

Then one night, the way he smiled at me changed. I always wondered when people said silly stuff like ” I saw fireworks” what really meant and at that point I knew.  I only noticed this because my feelings were changing too and I think my smiles changed too.  My friends teased me endlessly about how I was “sooo in love” with Chris and they just made me giggle, and anyone who knows me knows, I don’t giggle.

That was in 1992.  Chris and I dated all through college with one hiccup along the way when we broke up for a month.  But it was short lived and we were back together.  Chris decided after graduating with honors from ROTC that he wanted to be commissioned into the active duty army.  His first duty station was Camp Casey Korea. . .without me.  He was there for 18 months and while there, two months in, he finally asked me to marry him….in a card!
We got married on 4 June 1999 (and if you do the math that was 7 years later).  It was the happiest day of my life, even if I was so tired from partying the night before.  We had the best time, live band, great food, family, friends and the most beautiful star lit night that I can remember.
We were stationed at Ft. Bragg, NC and that was my first real taste of being and “army wife”.  I was not just a wife, I was the wife of an army soldier, and proud army soldier and that was a huge responsibility.  I loved being Chris’ wife, and an army wife.  I would not change that for the world.  Our second station was CCC at Ft. Sill, OK and that was a short lived school station.  But it was so much fun and we had a blast being some place new.  Then it was off to Ft. Hood, TX.  I had moved us first so that he could finish school and come down to Texas to a painted, clean put together house, and that he did.  But that was only after 9/11 happened and our thoughts on what this meant for our country was drastically changed.

In 2002, we welcomed our first born son, Oliver into our lives.  Chris was a natural.  He adored that little baby so much and just hated the idea of leaving him to go to Iraq.  But the time he had with Oliver was precious, so very precious.  Chris returned in March 2004, a year later and we decided to have another one.  He had just taken Command and was stressed beyond belief, a week later my mother died unexpectedly and it was a hard time for us.  Time passed and we found out we were expecting our second child, he was so happy but as all men, freaking out at the thought of two kids now.

In October of 2005 after a very hard pregnancy and almost losing our son Owen 3 times, he was born 2 months premature.  Owen was perfect and Chris was so excited to have the chance to see him, you see Owen was due on Chris’ deployment date.  This was a blessing, even with how hard it all was, I had an emergency c-section for the second time and a hysterectomy and lost more than half my body’s blood content.  I was in the hospital for five days and after a blood transfusion, was finally released to go home.

During all this Chris was getting ready to deploy, sending off equipment, training and still being there for Oliver, Owen and myself.  He was super dad and if you ask Oliver he would agree. Chris got to be with Owen for 5 almost 6 weeks before he deployed.
Chris was my center.  He brought me back to my center when I was spinning out of control.  He always made me feel as though I could do anything.  Chris was my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend and I miss him so much.  He made laugh like no one else can, I miss that too.  He was an incredible father he adored those boys and missed them so much while he was gone.  He would have done anything within his control to be home with us today.
Its the little things that meant and mean so much to me today.  Chris was an amazing cook and oh do I miss his cooking. He and Oliver would cook together and it was the cutest thing to see.  He could fix anything and I mean anything, again with Oliver by his side as his XO!  Chris could make a boring day so much fun with the hose, bubbles, sidewalk chalk or whatever else he could come up with.  I miss the silly things like his hands, his incredible crystal blue eyes, his smile that just mean trouble was on the way, or the way he would make me some tea at night and just sit with me an watch a movie.  These are just a few things that make Chris the wonderful person he was and made our love the best it could be.
I will love and miss him more today than yesterday but not half as much as tomorrow.  I kiss the stars for him every night!