Knight in Armor

I met the LOVE Of MY LIFE 2006 March. I did not know that he was my knight in shining armor until many months later. He changed my world around for the better. I learned that to love someone with everything in me was ok and to love myself was ok to. Darren taught me a lot of wonderful things about myself and us as a couple. The most important thing that we did was to communicate. We never went to bed angry, not saying that we didn’t fight… we did, but sleep was a no-no until we said sorry and made up.

Darren also changed my children’s life. They found a man they could call DAD….a man who loved them like his own two children. With Darren came two more kids, SO now we are six. I finally got the little girl I always wanted. Marina is so much like her father though….very tom-boyish. She loves to draw and is excellent at it. Darren Jr. followed in Dad’s footsteps and joined the Army. It is bittersweet to be around DJ. He walks, talks, acts, laughs just like his Dad. He is now getting out of the Army.  We are proud at what he has accomplished. Then we have my two. Franklin and Darren loved to play video/computer games together. Nash shared Darren’s love for sports. They would play catch every night possible. Darren showed my kids a Dad who had time for them, even though the Army kept him so busy.

On September 11, 2006, Darren proposed to me. I cried; he was so sweet and I was not expecting it at all. I had back surgery that day, and he waited until all the narcotics had worn off. He was on pins and needles all day just waiting.

January 13, 2007 was OUR DAY. I became Mrs Darren P. Hubbell. He was now MY HUSBAND. Oh how I love the sound of that. We had a very short honeymoon at Tybee Island with promises of doing something else later on when we had the time. Two short days after we got back he was given orders to be deployed to Iraq in May——not August like they were supposed to do. We dealt with the news as best as we could. We spent every possible moment together….sometimes not even sleeping so we could have that time together.

Darren always made me laugh. Joking was his favorite thing to do. He went to bed with a smile and woke up with a smile…even at 3am. Loving him was so easy. He made my life so colorful. Happy is not adequate to describe how we were.

On May 11, 2007 Darren was deployed with the 1-64 2B 3d ID to Baghdad, Iraq. He was a Senior Line Medic. This was his FOURTH tour to Iraq, his sixth tour overall. He did not want to go, but he would have felt guilty not being there with his brothers, his friends.

He made me promise one thing to him before he got on the bus that day…. ” DO NOT BLAME GOD IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME, HE DID NOT DO THIS. TRUST HIM AND HAVE FAITH”.... then he said he loved me with everything in him, kissed me so passionately and got on the bus. I have done as he asked. Not blamed God. How hard that is to do because on JUNE 20, 2007 an IED killed Darren, and GOD took Darren home to him.

Everyone says I am so strong, and I’m handling this so well. I don’t see it or feel it. I’m not strong. I’m just doing what I have to do. I ache every day and am so lonely without my best friend.

But I am proud to know a love like I have never known in my life until Darren. Proud to have had a best friend, soul mate, lover. Proud to have had MY HUSBAND!

It is now March 4, 2007…...9 months later. Do the days get any easier?  Am I able to sleep at night?  NO NO NO.  Every day is still a struggle. If it were not for my kids I don’t think I would be here.  I can hear Darren telling me he would be womping up on my butt for feeling sorry for myself…to get on with life.  But how do I do that?  Without him life is colorless.  Tomorrow will be my birthday, and I’m at a loss.  He made the day special. I don’t even want to celebrate it.  My brother in law just returned and I was so jealous of my sister.  Her husband made it, Why couldn’t mine?  I love that Brent is back, but hate it to.  She has happiness, but I don’t.  I hate that I get these thoughts.

Every Sunday I see Darren.  He was buried at our church.  My father is the Pastor and bass player.  He took Darren’s job.  Dad told him he would play the bass guitar for him until he came back.  Dad is now stuck with the job.  Every Sunday is hard. Looking up at the front I can see Darren playing the guitar or the drums.  I want to scream.  After church, I walk to the cemetery…to the only occupant…..MY HUSBAND.  If it was not for this war we still would not have a cemetery.  I tell him everything that goes on with me, and sometimes I just sit there.

I am a PROUD WIFE of a SOLDIER.  I want everyone to know Darren’s name.  I googled myself and Darren the other night and was amazed at the stories, interviews etc… that there were.  I am not ashamed to talk about him, in fact I would shout to the world about him.  I never tire of telling people about my medic.  He was an awesome man and an awesome soldier.  He is to never be forgotten.  He had your back and mine.  He sacrificed his life for mine, the kids and yours.  Thank you Darren for that.