The Last Goodbye

It was the morning of December 26, 2006; I was asleep peacefully when suddenly I heard a knock at the door. Not thinking anything of it I rolled over and assumed my mother would answer the door. A couple minutes passed and there was another knock, but this time there was something disturbing about it. Finally, I heard my mom walk down the stairs. Suddenly it hit me I darted out of bed, meanwhile thinking to myself, “no way, this can’t be happening.” As I reached for my bedroom door it opened, there stood my mom in tears. At this very moment I knew that my life was about to be shattered into a million pieces. I collapsed to the floor trying to gather my thoughts “ as though they were stepping stones set far apart across a whirling flood” (Wharton 250). Trying to prepare myself for what I was about to hear. As Edith Wharton states in “A Journey” “her head was spinning and she tried to steady herself by clutching at her thought as they swept by, but they slipped away from her like bushes on the side of a sheer precipice down which she seemed to be falling” (252). I don’t think I could have worded it better; this pretty much sums up exactly how I was feeling that very morning. There they stood at the end of the stairway, two soldiers in class A uniforms. “She found herself the center of sympathetic eyes” (Wharton 251). All I could keep saying in my head was, “this is a dream, just wake up!” This is my story of how life changed so drastically by that knock at the door. I hope that my story will help you to better understand just how precious life is and how short it can be.

My husband and I had known each other since the 4th grade. We really had never noticed one another until our junior year in high school. We began dating and just knew that we were perfect for each other. My husband joined the Army our junior year of high school and was shipped to basic training and AIT (advanced individual training) one month after our high school graduation. While he was at basic training he learned he would be stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany. This was the same night I received a phone call from him saying, “ I got my orders and I’m going to Germany, but not without you.” This was a phone call I will never forget. It was at that point we started to plan our wedding. For about the next month I rushed to get things prepared for our big day. He graduated basic training and AIT October 28, 2005, and we got married November 5, 2005. Life could not have been any better for us. Two weeks later he was on a plane to Germany. I was unable to go with him right away due to paperwork needing to be done with the Military. I did not get to Germany until March 2007, due to paper mishaps with the Army.

At last we were together and ready to begin life’s journey. It was about a month after being in Germany that we were notified that my husband’s unit would be deploying in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. We had no dates, but knew that they could leave at a moments notice. We took one day at a time and cherished every moment we were able to spend together. This is when we decided that on block leave we would take our long awaited honeymoon. He took me to Paris, France and London, England. We did everything we possibly could and tried not to even worry about deployment.  After returning home from a fabulous trip, he was then sent to the field for 30 days of training. It was at this point that we knew deployment was going to happen and it was going to happen quickly. We began to see each other very rarely.

October 28, 2006, deployment day, “..The day of leaving came” (Wharton 246). This was the worst day of my life, or so I thought then. The good bye was too short and it seemed like we just were not given enough time. I clanged to him like a child would their mother. I was not going to let him get on that bus. He repeated over and over “ babe, I’m sorry, I have to go, you have to let go.” As we said our final good bye I never in a million years thought that was going to be the last time I ever would hold him. I was so confident that he would be coming home. He was such a great soldier and so well trained, in my eyes nothing could hurt him. As I stood there and watched his face disappear as the buses drove away I could feel my whole world crumble before me. I then drove home and began the dreaded countdown. Time went on and we got to talk daily and communicate through web cam. Being able to communicate and see each other on the web cam daily made the days seems to go a little faster and really helped his morale. A couple months into the deployment he received his R & R (rest and recuperation) date, which would have been March 2007, just in time for our birthdays.

As the holidays started to approach he kept insisting I go back to the states to be with family for Christmas. I fought with him for a couple of weeks, telling him I was staying in Germany because that is where I felt closest to him. He ended up winning and I went back to Michigan to be with my family, for what I thought would only be two weeks. Things were going great; I finally got to meet my nephew for the first time and was able to be around everyone I loved. Having my family around and getting their support through the deployment was wonderful. I was still able to keep in close contact with my husband over the web cam and my family was also able to see him. Christmas morning came and I was awakened by my computer beeping at me. My husband was able to find a quick few minutes to get on the web cam and talk to all of us and see everyone open gifts. This was the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for. Little did I know this would be the last time I would ever see my husband’s face or hear his voice ever again. A few hours later my husband went out on his final mission, Operation Dagger Iron Claw. My husband and two other soldiers were killed when an IED (improvised explosive device) detonated near his vehicle. “The suddenness of the change had found her so unprepared” (Wharton 245). December 26, 2006 at 8:00 a.m. I was notified that my husband had been killed and would never return home to me.

Reading the short story “A Journey” I was able to somewhat relate to how this girl was feeling, she was now a young widow as I am. Our stories are very different but our pain is very much alike. Her husband died from an illness they knew was going to eventually kill him, they were somewhat prepared for this day. My husband was taken from me in a horrible way, my husband was killed. I knew there was a possibility of him being killed but I never thought it would really happen.

I was 19 years old when all of this happened to me. Never did I think that at the age of 19 I would be burying my husband. Life for me changed dramatically, but the rest of the world kept going and I could not understand why? The saying “when it rains it pours,” is true, not only did I lose the love of my life, but also to me I lost my whole world and everything in it. I lost my future; I lost my chances of ever having children with the most amazing man I knew, I lost everything. This December will be 2 years since my husband was killed, but I can honestly say that I am moving on with my life and I am happy again. It took a lot of tears and hard work to get where I am today but I’m proud to say that I did it, and the best part is, I know my husband would be so proud.

Life seems to happen so fast and offer so many opportunities and when your young you think nothing can hurt you and you think you have all the time in the world to accomplish something. That’s not always the case, just because you are young does not mean that tragic things cannot occur and certain things cannot stop you from achieving your dreams. I think everyone, not just the younger generation, but I think we all need to sit back and really just enjoy life and live life for what you have today because tomorrow may not be in your future. We need to take advantage of every opportunity thrown our way; Go and try to reach those dreams you have.

Some may say that my situation is not very common; well they are right to a point. What happened to me, sadly, happens to a lot of other families. Granted not every 19 year old has to deal with everything I have dealt with in my life, but what I’m trying to get at is, anything can happen. Car accidents are sudden, illnesses are sudden, and there are many other things out there that can cause you to change your plans for the future instantly. I want the younger generation to look at my story and understand that things happen, maybe not the way things happened to me but they do. Live life for today and do not worry what other people say or what other people want you to do. Do things that make and keep you happy. I was lucky enough to get the chance to marry the love of my life and get to see him fulfill his dreams. Some people never even get as far as I was able to in my past few years. I was given the opportunity to get married, move to Germany, and explore the world. We need to take those chances, dive in and don’t pass up opportunities that sit and await you. I would change nothing about my past except for the fact that I wish I had more time.

Do not regret anything you do in your lifetime. When you’re in your late 60’s you should be able to look back at your life and say “wow I really accomplished a lot.” You do not want to be one of those people that are in their 70’s or 80’s and regretting for turning down the chance to go sky diving at 20 years old or turning down the chance to go on that hiking trip you always wanted to. Go out and do everything, try it all, the world has so much to offer and in my opinion, there just is not enough time for it all. Go to school become the doctor you always dreamed of. Do what makes you happy and do it with no regrets or shame.

I know that because of what I have gone through my vision of life is so much different. I look at things in a whole different prospective. To me life is just too short and I am going to try to do anything and everything I can that I’ve always wanted to do. Before my husband was killed, I can honestly say that I did not look at life in that way. I thought I had all the time in the world to get things done and to go places I thought were neat. Now, when I see an opportunity I take it, I go for it. I have always said that I wanted to go sky diving, never in a million years would I honestly do it, until what happened in my life, I can say that I am now going next summer. I do not pass anything up. I am going to try anything I can because in my eyes, my life could end tomorrow and I do not want to leave this world and not have done the things I wanted to do.

To end, just be your self, be happy with who you are and who you have become. Be able to tell your grand kids all the great things you accomplished and achieved in your lifetime. Live every day as if it were your last. Do not take your time here on Earth for granted, live every moment you’re here and be proud. I know that my husband died doing what he loved and that was fighting for his country. He became the soldier he always wanted to be and he was able to marry the love of his life. He may not have been able to have kids or further his career in the Army but even though he is not here to tell the story, I am here for him and I will be sure to tell my nephew, my little brothers and other family one day that my husband lived his life to the fullest and he did what he loved to do. I hope that after reading my story you are able to go out and live your life and be happy about the things you have accomplished.