When They Knocked

That day they knocked at my door I almost didn't get it, it was the weekend, I was off from school it was 10ish I had just had intimate thoughts of my husband & couldn't wait to see him in less than a month. I was now sitting in the living room eating a bowl of cereal. "knock, knock," I didn't move, "Knock" I slowly moved to the door of my small 2 bedroom apartment.

BAM! Why didn't I just have a gun and shoot my brains out. I was a soldier once I already knew. I saw 2 green uniforms thru the peep hole. I scrambled to open the door. "Tell me he's not dead?!" I rushingly said. An older white chaplain & a young black Captain stood there nervously as if this was a first for them. The young Captain stuttered, "Uh yes mam Darrell Lewis mam'?" I was opening the screen door as I asked that question. I moved back my kneels buckled I screamed, "NO!" I was fidgeting with my hands standing there, "Is he in the hospital?" "No mam" "He died early today...", "NO!" I screamed "He's not dead, this is not real". I paced around the apartment. I went to get my 9 month old son who was the only other person with me. I just wished at that time that I had a gun and that I could have just killed myself, that's what I wanted to do. It was a moment of hysteria any and all my hopes and dreams were gone when these two men dressed in green approached my door. It was a feeling of being totally alone in the world a feeling that can only be felt & describing it so hard to do. I grabbed my son and rocked him, rocked him like a druggy who needed another fix, and quick.

Darrell was an awesome man. A man who people loved being around, he was funny, caring smart, silly, my teacher & my soul mate. We had out lives planned out. I was worried for him but to be honest I just knew he was coming home I would have bet my life on it. This just lets me know regardless of how promising your future may be, when it is time, it is time, and a magnificent bond of love and a beaming future will not stand in the way of what is to be.